Have you ever FINALLY done something that you have known for awhile that you needed to do?
Well, that was me. Eight weeks ago. I finally had MUCH needed bladder surgery. You know the kind. The birthing eight kids kind. (And since this is a ladies blog, I can be real.) I am not sure which child was the culprit, but one of them left none of my body parts where they belong! I have needed this surgery for as long as I can remember! I cannot even think back to a day when my granny-panties were pee-free! This surgery would definitely enhance my quality of life. It would be GOOD for me. It would be healthy. It would impact other areas of my life as well. All for the better.
EVERYTHING was a constant reminder:
– My growing budget for Depends pads.
– Speed bumps (even the little ones).
– Trying to run anywhere (let alone exercise).
– Everyday occurrences like sneezing, coughing and laughing.
– My chaffed legs.
– And even just playing with my kids. Just the simple stuff – you know, tickling, roughhousing and chasing them. I am not even talking trampoline level playing!
Everything and everyone told me that I needed to get this weary bladder repaired once and for all. I KNEW it would be good for me. I KNEW that I needed to do it. I KNEW that long term, this was what was best for me. Internally, I KNEW IT. But even still, for years, I made every excuse in the book…
– It’s not the right time.
– I still have six kids at home that need to be fed and kept alive.
– It is going to cost so much money.
– I am going to need so much help (clearly I still need to do some work around this concept).
– I hate hospitals. Let’s be real, I don’t even like routine doctor’s appointments.
– I mean, I have lived with it for this long. Maybe it’s not THAT bad.
– I don’t have time for a six week recovery!
– I am used to it! What’s another few years?
And on and on and on… excuse after excuse.
But, after one particularly wet walk around the lake that, as a child, I had walked, biked, run and rollerbladed hundreds of times (if not thousands), I decided it was time. I was done. I was ready! You see, intentional change happens when the suffering of staying the same is greater than the pain of that impending change. Read that again.
And even though I really had no idea what was involved, I wanted this area of my life to be different. I NEEDED it to be different. And since I had met my deductible for the first time in the history of ever, we squeezed it in just before the end of the year! (It’s a fun way to spend New Year’s Eve… just saying.) And you know what? I actually needed to have this surgery for more reasons than I even knew! More things were in need of repair than I was aware of. It seems that carrying the weight of eight babies and all the pressure and pushing during delivery, took its toll on other parts of me as well! 🙂
The surgery was LONGER than I thought. The recovery was HARDER than I expected. I came home with a catheter out of my stomach, which I didn’t know was even possible! And I had to keep it in for weeks! I was met with more COMPLICATIONS than I knew existed. And even though my family and friends were so very good to me… I still struggled exponentially.
Being still for so long, stripped me of my energy and stamina. And being in the bed was OH. SO. HARD. I am a DOer. But post surgery, I was instructed to just BE. And I didn’t know what that looked like. I tried to read. And I tried to write. But all that sitting and the setbacks and the discomfort and inability to do anything, made me a little depressed. I even started to feel sorry for myself. My mind was not free and clear to concentrate and read and write and do all the things I had hoped to accomplish during this six week “sabbatical.”
Six weeks of doing nothing was a REALLY long time, especially for someone that normally doesn’t sit still. Matter of fact, up until this point, I never watched TV!!! People were actually on a hunt to find something suitable for one that has not watched TV in 25 years! (Pretty much all they could find was Little House On The Prairie. Another blog for another day.)
But now that there is a little time and distance from that difficult place that seemed like it would never end, I have a new perspective. A different vantage point. What is good for us is often hard. And it usually doesn’t happen overnight.
And now that I can see the sunshine after the clouds, I can say that I am so glad I finally did what I KNEW I needed to do all along. And not just because I got to throw away those awful granny-panties! Although that definitely was a perk. My only regret is not doing it sooner…
So let me ask you, is there something that you KNOW that you need to do and have just been putting it off? Making excuses? Justifying? Is the pain of staying the same, in ANY area of your life, greater than the pain of the change that it will take to eliminate or minimize the suffering? If so, it just might be time to get real with yourself and go for it. Ask a friend to hold you accountable. And follow through. It might be harder than you think. It might even take longer than you expect. But after the rain, you too just might find your rainbow. And it will be oh so worth it.