Thanksgiving is over. 38 people and 74 pounds of turkey. Need I say more?!
Please hold for one minute as I am checking my daughter for lice before I can continue. At least our septic tank held up this year! Looking back at last week, how’d you fare? It’s kind of like Thanksgiving is the trial run for Christmas, you know? All the cooking. All the family. All the traditions. All the getting it just right. All the concerns for keeping the peace.
I don’t know about you, but this Thanksgiving I was set to CRUSH IT. I read all the blogs. Listened to all the podcasts. Prepared in advance. (Like REALLY prepared). Made my lists and checked them twice. Rested up. Prayed more. Kept it simple. Held on to healthy habits. You know… everything the articles tell you are the “guaranteed” steps to a stress free holiday.
I even had a welcoming chalk board door with just the right humor. It said, “Just FYI. I stuffed the turkey with Xanax. That way we all will have a relaxing Thanksgiving.” (Insert laughter here.)
One of the things I am learning on my quest is that it is NOT a checklist. (Although I REALLY want it to be.) Ultimately, I want to do everything I can to manufacture an end result. Simply put, I want to control outcomes. I want things to “go as planned”. Or I want things to happen in my time frame. Or I want people to get on board and cooperate. And it’s all for good reason! I want LESS anxiousness and more peace. And I have falsely believed that if I can plan and prep and take all the necessary steps, it will be a “stress free” holiday or meal or visit or relationship.
But the truth is that while believing in this way of thinking makes me FEEL safe, it actually makes me feel more anxious. And the more I try to control or obsess over a particular outcome, the more stressed I am! I clench my hands, my jaw and anything else that I can hold tight. It gives me a false sense of control. And I become attached to the outcome.
And when I am attached to making sure something happens or doesn’t happen, I place myself in a state of anxiousness or stressful thoughts. I place myself in a state of resistance, and as Vikki has taught me, “what we resist persists.”
So instead, I have to detach from the outcome.
What does that even mean? To be honest, I am not really even sure! I am brand new to this part of my journey. But what I teach, is what I need to learn. So here I am. Even though it is not easy. And even though it’s a little bit over my head. But when I REALLY stop and listen… in my heart, I know it to be true. From what I have gathered so far, detaching from the outcome is a mindset. It means being at peace with what is. When I am truly detached, there is no sense of desperation. No anxiousness to control the outcome.
I recently read, “although we have 100% control of our own actions, we have very little control over outcomes – there are too many factors that can affect end results. Trying to manage our outcomes is setting us up for failure.”
So I decided that this December, I am going to put on the mindset of detaching from desired outcomes. I am going to live my best life no matter how long the lines are, how bad traffic is, whether or not I can find the perfect presents or cook the perfect meal. I am going to live this month freed up from unmet expectations and disappointments. And ultimately, freed up from the need to control the end result.
Please join us at our December Exchange. We are going to let go of all that needs to be done, our perfectionism, shopping lists, relationship drama and our desire for control. It’s going to be a night of FUN and FREEDOM. I hope to see you there!