With the start of a new year, I cannot help but be slightly pensive. Somehow I find myself sitting at my desk, enjoying my coffee and still in my pajamas, with only two children at home. I cannot remember the last time that my house was this quiet. I am reflective about the year behind and dreaming about the year ahead.
Years ago, I was told I need to ponder what I want for the new year and come up with ONE WORD that I aspire to, need or desire in my life. In recent years, my words have been BOLDNESS, PURPOSE, INTENTIONALITY, PRUDENCE, just to name a few. This year, I am struggling to find my ONE WORD.
I have so many things on the horizon that end with a question mark instead of a period or exclamation point. The digital direction of The Exchange? A new space for us to meet? Where will my oldest son go to college this year? What’s next for my family? I am learning that I operate much better in the concrete, rather than the abstract. I like predictability. I don’t heart change. And all of these loose ends leave me feeling a little unsettled.
I am trying to find rest in the restlessness. Repose for the question marks. Excitement for the unknown. Peace in the state of uncertainty. Gratitude for the gifts with no bows neatly tied on top. And flexibility for the year I cannot come up with just ONE WORD.
This morning I watched a CBS special entitled “Letter to Self” where astronaut Peggy Whitson penned a letter to the nine-year-old girl she used to be. It was so fascinating. So inspiring. So thought provoking, that I watched the whole series! Which, if you know me at all, is unheard of. And probably why, it is 12:00 and I am still in my pajamas…
It was such a gift. And just what I needed to start 2018. I have decided to give myself the freedom to not HAVE to have one word for my future self in the upcoming year. Instead, I am going back in time and writing a letter to the younger version of me…. in not ONE WORD, but TWO. What would I want her to know? What would have set her up a little bit better? What do I wish she believed about herself? What do I wish she knew? What would I tell her? And in the stillness of this quiet morning at home, I know exactly what I would say…
You’re enough, Elizabeth. You don’t have to perform. Just be. You don’t have to live up to expectations of others. You don’t have to keep up with your three wildly successful older brothers. Your worthiness isn’t based on others approval. Your fear of rejection doesn’t end with your need for affirmation. You’re enough. Period. And I want you to start living like you TRULY believe it. What I would tell the little girl in that picture, are the same words I want you to know in 2018. You’re enough.
YOU’RE ENOUGH. And today, I am CHOOSING to believe it.
What two words would you tell your younger self?