*WOMEN…Why are we so complicated?
*Why do we do to others what we can’t stand to be done to us?
*Why do we share things that are not ours to share?
*WHY DO WE GOSSIP? What do we gain by saying something negative about someone else?
Clay Scroggins gives some reasons:
1) The Awe Factor…Ego Factor….(How did you know?)
2) Information makes us feel powerful….we feel “in the know”
3) Negative information about YOU makes ME feel better about myself
4) Boredom (too much time)..we need to be purposeful about how we spend our time so that we don’t let boredom set in
*Gossip divides us and separates
*It is impossible to have a unified anything when gossip is present
*Gossip pushes people apart
*Dave Ramsey has a NO GOSSIP policy—if you gossip once you get a warning….twice you get fired
*”GOSSIP IS: Discussing anything negative with someone who cannot solve the problem” -Clay Scroggins
*Without gossip think how our confidence would go up
*We want our children to see it modeled not to gossip….they watch and learn…it is caught not taught
*Take a second to PAUSE before you speak
1)Is it negative in any way?
2)Can the person I am talking to help the situation?
3)What is the motivation? Harm or Help?
*Do I REACT (speak before I think) or RESPOND (think before I speak)?
*WHAT YOU FOCUS ON GROWS
*BEST PRACTICES ON GOSSIP:
1) I will make every attempt to be for you (everything spoken in positive light)
2) I will talk to you alone if I have a problem with you
3) I’ll tell you if I have talked to others about you (this is hard….you have to humble yourself and admit error)
4) If someone says something about you I will defend with positivity
5) If someone says something negative about you I’ll say– “May I quote you on that?”
*Quality people hate gossip
*You are more likely not to gossip around someone that doesn’t gossip
* Sometimes people get to a place in life and say they will never trust again….some people have been betrayed
*Andy Stanley says this on TRUST vs SUSPICION:
1) You will never know who you CAN’T trust…until you trust them
2) You will never know who you CAN trust…until you trust them
3) Trusting is risky…but, refusing to trust is riskier
*Brene Brown….”The Anatomy of Trust” http://www.oprah.com/video_embed.html?article_id=59794
*The Marble Jar
*Trust is Built in insignificant, small moments
*Studies show that huge trust factors are given when people show up for funerals and when people ask for help
*John Gottman says, “trust is built in the smallest moments”…he wrote of a time that he was reading a really good book and was almost finished…he had to go to the bathroom really badly and debated getting up to go or keep reading the book…he decided to get up and go really quickly…but, when he did he walked past his wife and caught a glimpse her and she looked really sad…he almost didn’t look because he wanted to get back to his book…but NO…there was an opportunity to TRUST or BETRAY
*To choose not to connect with another when the opportunity is there is a choice of betrayal not trust
*Charles Feltman says, “Trust is defined as choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.”
*Brene Brown says, “When you trust someone you are BRAVING connection with them”
B- BOUNDARIES (I can trust you if you are clear about your boundaries and respect my boundaries)
R- RELIABILITY (I can only trust you if you DO what you say you are going to do…time and time again) be clear on your limitations…don’t take on too much and come up short
A- ACCOUNTABILITY (when you make a mistake you own it-apologize for it and make amends…and I do the same)
V- VAULT (what I share with you-you will hold in confidence and what you share with me- I will hold in confidence)…not just my confidences…other’s too
I- INTEGRITY (*choosing courage over comfort, *choosing what’s right over fun, fast, easy, *practicing your values-not just professing them)
N- NON JUDGEMENTAL (I can fall apart/ be in a struggle without being judged…we are often better at helping than asking for help)
G- GENEROSITY (if you can assume the most generous thing about my words, intentions and behaviors…and then check back in with me)
*It is important to break it down because it makes it easier to see specifically what the issue is
*If your jar is not full you can’t expect others to fill it
*”I don’t trust people that don’t love themselves, but say I love you. Be weary of a naked man offering you a shirt” -Maya Angelou
1)Do I love myself?
2)Do I trust myself?
3)How full is my marble jar?
*WOMEN…Why are we so complicated?
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